Understanding the Difference Between Confidence and Pride
“There is something in humility which strangely exalts the heart” (St. Augustine).
As a female professional, have you ever found your work is critiqued based on who you are, rather than the merit of your work or qualifications?
I had heard about this experience in research about the workplace, learned of various unconscious biases that still affect women today, and even experienced it in my own career. The latest offense was from a male-dominated group critiquing my qualifications for a particular opportunity because I appeared “too confident.” When I first heard this feedback, I could only laugh to myself.
Of course I was confident! I’ve honed my strengths and actively addressed my weaknesses. I bring prayer into the workplace and am open about my Catholic faith. Most importantly, I trust in God’s provision and in the gifts He has given to me to share with others.
What, then, made this confidence such a bad thing?
Confidence and Humility
Ultimately, this group of colleagues did not view confidence through my Catholic lens. If they did, they would notice that authentic confidence is actually dependent upon the virtue of humility.
St. Bernard defined humility as “a virtue by which a man, knowing himself as he truly is, abases [belittles] himself.” The character trait of confidence must first be rooted in humility, knowing our smallness compared to the omnipotence of God. Then, we can understand how we are made in God’s image and for the glory of God. We cannot be authentically confident without knowing our natural, human limits.
As we continue to grow in our prayer life and begin to align ourselves with where we feel God calling, we will naturally acquire a confidence rooted in humility, because we understand the truth about ourselves, as revealed to us by God.
The Sin of Pride
When we don’t understand our limits, when we view ourselves as mightier than we are, our confidence can turn into pride. As St. Thomas Aquinas explains in the Summa Theologiae, “Pride is so called because a man thereby aims higher than he is.”
Pride is a common sin throughout human history. We see it throughout Scripture: Eve’s reaching for the forbidden fruit in the garden (Genesis 3:6), Nimrod’s building the Tower of Babel (Genesis 11:1-9), St. Paul’s (then Saul) efforts to kill the early Christians (Acts 9), and even the Pharisees’ demanding the crucifixion of Christ (Luke 23:1-21).
In each instance, someone replaces their natural dependence on God with a distorted dependence on themselves.
Another more insidious form of pride is what St. Francis de Sales called “false humility.” False humility is when we purposefully put ourselves down in order to be admired. It’s possible that false humility is a more common type of pride among women, who are taught to over-apologize and often struggle to accept compliments. It can be as prideful to glorify ourselves in our smallness as it is to glorify ourselves in a place of power.
Let’s return to the workplace and your efforts to make a difference in the office, among your co-workers, and in the work you produce each day. By remaining grounded in your relationship with the Lord, being prayerful in your daily decisions, and understanding the gifts you have been given and the path God wishes to lead you on, your confidence can be a light for others.
Then, the confidence that you may have been shamed for will be a beautiful virtue. Share your confidence, peace, and self-knowledge with the world. It needs you.
Mindy Edgington is a fiery, Midwestern Catholic convert from St. Louis, Missouri. She currently lives in Omaha, NE with her husband and their hound dog while he pursues law school at Creighton University. By day, Mindy works as a senior security engineer in third party risk management for a Fortune 300 health care system. She also regularly volunteers with the Catholic Charities Immigration Office in town. Her hobbies include: "strong drinks and hard conversations,” writing, hiking, and reading in her local coffee shops and bars (in typical extrovert fashion). You can follow her on Instagram @mindy.edgington.