5 Women Share How They Achieve Work/Life “Balance”
“There is an appointed time for everything, and a time for every affair under the heavens” (Ecclesiastes 3:1).
“I’ve stopped seeking ‘balance’ by any external measurements and instead focus on doing the next right thing in each season,” says Stacey Sumereau, speaker and host of the Called and Caffeinated podcast. Also a wife and a mom of four kids ages six and under, Stacey integrates her work within her family life. “I know I won’t regret prioritizing my family, but I also know I need to have outlets and that I am called to continue my ministry.”
Stacey is not alone: Women everywhere blend obligations and work with recreation and rest, all in pursuit of peace and a properly ordered life. Work can be good and holy, but boundaries around work are important. Sometimes, saying “no” even to good things leaves room for a bigger “yes” when it comes to an integrated life.
Yet, when you’re in the midst of the fray, work/life balance almost always feels like a turbulent and unruly endeavor. Whether you work full time or part time, on location or remotely, have a full house or live alone, striving for work/life balance can be challenging.
However, a key to achieving work/life balance may be in embracing the unique challenges and limitations of our circumstances. Stacey is one of five women who shared with me the specifics of their work/life flow. Each of these Catholic women are women with unique jobs and vocations. They all witness to the fact that, while there are few actual right or wrong ways to integrate work within life, certain principles always ring true, such as prioritizing the most important things first (and how those things might change from day to day).
A Personalized Approach to Food
According to the women I interviewed, proper nourishment through food is an important and personalized area of balance. Any amount of dieting or not dieting and planning or not planning can have a place in your life, depending on what works best for you, your body, your mind, and your schedule.
Christa Pichler, an entrepreneur of four different ventures, including Remnant Marketing, has found that, for the most part, eating within a diet program works well for her as she balances the responsibilities in her life. “I have been 90% paleo since 2012,” she told me, and she also recently started implementing the keto diet with her husband. The key for Christa is a little extra planning ahead of time: “We keep snacks and food in the house that [fit] this diet, and it makes it easy for us.”
On the other hand, for some women, less structure is more, as far as food is concerned. Stacey’s past experience with an eating disorder means that she now embraces flexibility around food. “I have been free from an eating disorder for about a decade and have put food in its proper place after years of being enslaved to overthinking every meal,” Stacey says. “I eat everything and enjoy everything and have no rules but, rather, follow what my body is telling me it needs for nourishment.” This flexibility applies to all things food, even her loose goal of striving to have a protein, a starch, and a vegetable each night for her family’s dinner.
Regardless of whether or not you follow a strict diet, simplicity and accepting limitations always goes a long way. Taryn DeLong, Co-President and Editor-in-Chief of Catholic Women in Business, says that she loves trying new recipes, but her current season of life doesn’t permit a lot of culinary experimentation. “Pride tells me that I need to go all out for my family every night,” Taryn says, “[but] my family and the limitations of my body help me stay humble!”
As a full time homemaker and caretaker of her toddler in addition to her other responsibilities, Taryn relies on basic, fail-safe meals: “I stick to four or five meals that I have on rotation, and I always have certain ingredients stocked in the pantry (e.g., taco seasoning, spaghetti, tomato sauce) for when plans change at the last minute.”
As the experiences of these women attest, there are many ways to arrange meal planning and nourishment to fit your lifestyle. The priority is making sure you are getting the personalized nourishment you need, leaving behind any unrealistic or unnecessary expectations or standards.
Intentional Play
In Genesis, God took a rest day after his work, modeling rest for mankind and enshrining the necessity of leisure. Sleep may be the most obvious kind of rest, but play is also an important aspect of rest. For the women I interviewed, a common denominator was the importance of intentionally carving out room for leisure and recreation in their schedule.
Denise Jelinek, a Catholic health and weight loss coach, defines play as “what I consider fun”: napping, journaling, alone time, and time for reflection. She also takes off one day during the week for herself: “I call it ‘my Saturday,’ because as a mom and wife, my weekends aren’t my own. So, I like to take Thursday to go to Mass, Adoration, [and] whatever else fills me.”
Knowing your hobbies and favorite activities is important. “I love reading! This really helps me relax at night,” says Elise Gallagher, Founder of Catholic Women in Business and Chief Operating Officer at JC Law. In addition to reading, Elise says that her vocation as a mother has also helped her embrace more play. She says, “Having two babies has ‘forced’ me to bring more play into my life and be present to leisure.”
Taryn intentionally sets aside most evenings either to read or spend time with her husband. However, she has also found that prioritizing social time with other women has been very important for her. She hosts a Thursday morning Bible study playgroup with other moms, most of whom stay at home with their kids or work part time. “They bring their toddlers and babies, and we do our Bible study while the kids play. It is so life-giving!”
Leisure looks different for everyone and in every season of life, but it is essential for a life well-lived. Create time and space for leisure, whether it’s enjoying your own hobbies or saying “yes” to playing with others. Know when it’s time to play, and be intentional about making it happen.
Discipline Around Sleep
The data around the importance of sleep is conclusive, yet when life is busy, sleep is often one of the first things to go. While amounts and times may differ, being disciplined about sleep is essential for everything else in life to function and fall into place properly.
Christa and Stacey agree that getting enough sleep is important. Christa’s kids are in bed by 8:30 p.m., and she goes to bed shortly thereafter. “Sleep is a priority,” she says. Stacey agrees that “[f]or my husband and me, getting adequate sleep makes or breaks the following day.” Her day begins at 5:30 a.m., when her two-year-old with special needs gets up, and her day winds down around 8 p.m.
“With such long days, my husband and I have to commit to early bedtimes and not getting our whole to-do list accomplished, almost ever.” More often than not, in order to make sleep happen, it means saying “no” to something else.
On the other hand, sometimes, sacrificing a small amount of sleep for a greater good is even more important than that extra time before the alarm goes off. Elise tries to get up early enough to have 15 to 30 minutes to herself before the day begins.
Similarly, for Denise, getting eight to nine hours of sleep is ideal, but getting time to herself each morning takes precedence—even if it means voluntarily getting up at 5 a.m.. “I LOVE to sleep,” she says. “However, what I love more is getting my 90+ minutes of alone time in the morning. For me, it is worth sacrificing the sleep right now.”
With the busyness that life brings, it is easy to fall prey either to either extreme of sleeping too little or too much. For these women, creating a discipline around sleep, whether it means sleeping a little more or a little less, is a tool for success.
Prayer Is a Necessity
One thing that every one of these women agrees about is that prayer is non-negotiable. The devotions and kinds of prayer they invest in are different, but it is quality over quantity that matters. The day goes best when communion with the Lord happens.
“Prayer is like breathing,” Denise says. She approaches prayer like conversation and lets the Holy Spirit’s inspiration guide her time in prayer. “Every morning, I start with prayer. … Sometimes, the Lord leads me to read the Magnificat, but of late, it’s been a variety of conversations between the two of us. My work is grounded in prayer.”
Elise unequivocally asserts, “Prayer and daily Mass are key to my energy and success as a working mom.” In particular, the Rosary and the Liturgy of the Hours turn her heart toward God and center her.
The Rosary is also a pillar for Taryn. She says that in her current season, it has been hard to find time to go to Adoration or make more time for prayer, but the Rosary has been constant. “I’ve been praying a daily Rosary since my daughter was a couple of months old,” she says, “and this habit has been a wonderful way to grow closer to Jesus and Mary.”
For Stacey, the results of putting prayer first are tangible. “When I prioritize prayer as the very first thing, it is amazing how smoothly everything else goes!” Stacey says. “God arranges my time better than I could have planned when I give it to Him first.” However, she approaches prayer with a strategy: tithing. Time is precious and limited for her, so she takes a practical approach. “I give the first 10% of the amount of time I think I have free to God. … I usually shoot for five minutes of reading Scripture and/or St. Faustina’s diary, followed by 10 minutes of conversation with God and meditation.”
Christa is a testament to the fact that while prayer is a way of life, it doesn’t always happen on your knees. “I love to sing,” she says. “I find myself singing hymns or psalms throughout the day. I love that if my mind wanders, it wanders to songs of prayer. … My mind is constantly filled with Scripture and hymns, especially as I am working on my clients’ websites and social media.”
Is There “Balance”?
The term “work/life balance” is a common one, but it may be slightly misleading. “Balance” implies that there is a way to keep the plane level while juggling multiple responsibilities. In practice, however, it’s usually not what we achieve. As these Catholic businesswomen demonstrate, work/life balance is really about ordering priorities. When the most important things come first, the remaining responsibilities fall into place.
Work/life prioritizing is possible, even when it’s messy and hard. Most importantly, it’s never perfect. As you strive toward harmony between work and the rest of life, embrace the nuance that each day will look different. Like climbing a career ladder, prioritization pays an increasing amount as you accomplish each foundational goal.
Alexandra Cook is a freelance writer living in northern Virginia with her husband and two children.