Sitting in the Garden
“Remain here and keep watch with me” (Matthew 26:38).
Recently, I went on a weekend-long silent retreat that walked through the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius of Loyola and included several weeks of meditations. The mediations centered on the Lord’s gazes of tenderness, vulnerability, invitation, empathy, desire, and joy to help us grow in deeper intimacy with the Lord. It helped me understand how to allow the Lord to gaze at me—all of me—in my highest and lowest moments.
The Gaze of Jesus
Our week 3 meditation on Jesus’ passion was called the “Gaze of Empathy,” and it helped us place ourselves in the garden with Jesus, imagining the scene with all of our senses—sight, touch, smell, hear, and even taste. As we imagined the garden, we allowed Him to gaze at us as we gazed at Him. We met Jesus’ eyes as He invited you to feel the “sorrow and distress” of His heart, as He asked to feel our own heart’s sorrow and distress (Matthew 26:37).
Where are those tender places?
What needs to be pruned?
Let our Lord, our Gardener of our hearts, go into those wounds and prune them. Invite the Lord into those most tender places in your heart, and allow Him to suffer with you. Respond to the Lord’s invitation of entering into His suffering as well.
The Gardener of Our Heart
Each Lent, we want to do the most hard-core penance, fasting, and almsgiving. But too often, it’s more of "our will be done” than “His will be done.” The Lord calls us to the desert and the hard things, but sometimes, He calls us to sit in the Garden of Agony with Him. There, he tends to our wounds and prunes our hearts with His truth.
Emmy Rose’s song ”Tender” reflects on this idea:
So be the gardener of my heart.
Tend the soil of my soul.
Break up the fallow ground.
Cut back the overgrown,
And I won’t shy away.
I will let the branches fall
So what You want can stay,
And what You love can grow.
Pruning is painful. We often do not want Jesus to see and touch our woundedness; we do not want to place ourselves in such a vulnerable position. But the garden may be exactly where He is asking us to remain with Him (Matthew 26: 38).
The Gaze of Empathy
Sitting in that agony of your suffering and the Lord’s suffering is painful. In such agony, we are invited to gaze at the Lord with empathy and to allow Him to gaze at us with empathy. May we all both receive and give this gift in the garden.
The Lord’s gaze of empathy becomes a gaze of desire as He wins back our hearts on the cross. He is thirsty for our love. We are His dream.
You are His dream.
Go with Jesus to your deepest wounds, hurts, and desires with empathy. Allow Him to cover you with His abundant love and mercy. Sit in the garden, and let His gaze of empathy surround you. Then, let His gaze of desire win you back.
Alexandra (Alex) Harrel resides in Irving, Texas. She is a new student affairs professional within the world of higher education. In her spare time, she loves reading, listening to podcasts, and spending time outdoors. Her favorite prayer is Hail, Holy Queen. You can follow her on Instagram at @2012alexandra.