Lessons From Moms for New Managers
“The loveliest masterpiece of the heart of God is the heart of a mother” (St. Thèrése of Lisieux).
I’ve learned a lot in the three years since I became a mother (I include pregnancy in being a mother, and you should, too). I’m more confident. I’m a better communicator. I have more clarity around my priorities and am better able to manage them. I am more empathetic but better at managing that empathy so it’s not debilitating. Most importantly, I’m more humble (though of course that, especially, is a work in progress).
Valerie Cockerell, a leadership consultant and former leader at Disney, also sees many transferable skills in motherhood. Her new book, Manage Like a Mother: Leadership Lessons Drawn from the Wisdom of Mom, shares lessons she’s learned as a mother and a manager. It’s part-memoir (often entertaining and even laugh-out-loud funny) and part-introduction to management for anyone (man or woman) new to the role.
“A Springboard, Not a Fast Track”
One of the lessons Cockerell learned from motherhood is that moms (and managers) should give their children (and team members) “a springboard, not a fast track.”
“You sometimes must be prepared to fold and draw a new hand,” she writes. “That is not only perfectly OK; it is necessary for today’s environment. As the saying goes, you can’t direct the wind, but you can adjust the sails.”
One of the hardest things about motherhood for me has been the loss of control. Yes, I can manage my daughter’s schedule, try to make sure she’s healthy, and expose her as much as possible to the Catholic faith. But, ultimately, she is her own person, and there is so much that’s out of my control—and there will be more and more as she grows older.
It’s the same in business. You can’t control your team members, your colleagues, your customers, your business partners, or the economic and cultural environment you’re working in (as we all learned in 2020). Fortunately, though Cockerell doesn’t talk at all about faith, as Catholics, we know that there is someone much wiser than us in charge—and He has it all in hand.
People Need to Know They Matter
My favorite quote from the TV series Doctor Who is when the time-traveling (and practically immortal) Doctor says, “900 years of time and space, and I've never met anybody who wasn’t important before.”
It’s a very Christian concept. Each of us is made in God’s image and likeness, and each of us is loved more than we can imagine by Him. Everyone matters, but unfortunately, not everyone feels like they do. For both parents and managers, one of the most important parts of the job is making people know they matter.
“Not being relevant is what haunts every one of us,” Cockerell writes. “People want to know that they belong, they matter, they contribute effectively, and they move the needle.”
As a mother, I show my daughter she matters by smiling when I see her, giving her lots of affection, and spending time with her beyond what’s necessary to meet her basic needs. As a business leader, I show our team members they matter by thanking them for sharing their time and gifts, respecting their time and other commitments, and explicitly telling them (truthfully) that Catholic Women in Business would not be able to do what it does without them.
“The things people really desire are love, strong connections, and a purpose,” Cockerell writes. “In an organization, all of this translates into a sense of belonging, relevance, and achievement and it generates a lot of goodwill from your team members.”
I would have liked to have seen Manage Like a Mother include more research. I know there are studies that have looked at the skills mothers develop and how their experience can improve their leadership in the workplace. Overall, however, the book might be helpful for people, especially mothers, who are brand new to the concepts and experience of management. (And Cockerell’s storytelling is sometimes a lot of fun!)
Taryn DeLong is a Catholic wife and mother in North Carolina who serves as co-president and editor-in-chief of Catholic Women in Business. Her first book, written with her co-president Elise Crawford Gallagher, will be out in fall 2024 from Ave Maria Press. Connect with Taryn: Instagram • Facebook • LinkedIn • Blog • Substack