Empowering Mothers to “Carry Strong”
“The loveliest masterpiece of the heart of God is the heart of a mother” (St. Thèrése of Lisieux).
I got pregnant in 2020 and had my baby in 2021. We were still working remotely, so I spent most of my time in our recliner in the living room with my feet up. I even recorded podcasts that way. I took naps, I slept in (a little), and I didn’t have to commute.
It was emotionally harder than if I’d been working in person; there was a lot of isolation, despite the fact that my husband was also working from home, and I missed a lot of the celebration that comes with announcing your pregnancy in an office. But, it was physically a lot easier. I also had a lot of support from my immediate supervisor, who also had a young child, and the rest of the small business I worked for.
Reading Carry Strong: An Empowered Approach to Navigating Pregnancy and Work made me want to go back and do it all over again, outside of a pandemic. It was, as the subtitle says, an empowering read full of fantastic tips and moving stories (a few of which, I have to caveat, have elements that are not aligned with Catholic teaching or pro-life values).
It’s a new book by Stephanie Kramer, chief human resources officer at L’Oréal USA and an adjunct professor of communications at the Fashion Institute of Technology. Kramer has two sons herself and completed quantitative and qualitative surveys and interviews with women (with and without children) beginning in 2020.
As a result, she’s developed an understanding of what it means to be pregnant and working—the good, the challenging, and the painful—and wrote a book to share insights and advice with mothers and hoping-to-be-mothers who also have career ambitions (in any form).
Building Confidence and Finding Yourself
A major theme of the book was the fact that becoming a mother is a powerful way to build confidence and find out who you really are.
This was certainly true for me. I feel like I’ve become more myself since I became a mother, though it took the brutal tearing down of my perfectionism for me to find true self-confidence. It also shifted where I got my self-worth from my work and achievement to my intrinsic worth as a daughter of God.
I didn’t realize just how much more confident I was until I rejoined a nonprofit board that I’d served on for a few years before becoming a mother. I felt like a different person—more willing to speak my mind and truly be a leader. Notably, I’m also now the co-president and editor-in-chief of Catholic Women in Business, where before I was a mother I was the managing editor.
Kramer writes about this shift in identity self-worth a lot. Women told her that pregnancy “unleashed reserves of creativity, ‘crazy superhero strength,’ and a newfound purpose in life (and work).” Dr. Sarah Oreck, a reproductive psychiatrist, said that pregnancy changed her identity—“that perhaps physician or doctor would no longer be the first word I used to describe myself (and maybe should never have been) and, instead, I would soon first become a mother.”
“This was my ‘undoing,’” leadership adviser and coach Margaret Brown told Kramer, “enabling me to let go of this narrow construct of identity so I could let in the depth of who I was (and all of us are) truly meant to be … complex, ever-changing, and powerfully aligned with our truest self.”
Work-Life Balance?
I’ve long thought we should throw out the term “work-life balance,” and Kramer agrees. Instead, she says, we should seek “work-life fluidity.”
“The idea of fluidity allows us to recognize that work and motherhood, though incredibly important, are only two of our many dimensions.” We can set boundaries, identify priorities, and move back and forth between them.
“You can do it all, not at the same time,” Kramer writes. I can certainly see this reality in my own life. If I were working full time, I would not have the capacity to write a book (Elise Crawford Gallagher’s and my book will be released by Ave Maria Press in fall 2024). On the other hand, I don’t have the time to do all of the other work I wish I could do, because I am caring for my daughter. On the other hand, I love being able to spend this much time with her. On the other hand, she’ll be in school in a few years, and I’ll have more time. On the other hand, I’ll miss having all this time with her! And on it goes.
I can achieve my career goals, spend time with my family, and take care of myself—but I can’t do everything in every moment. I have to prioritize. I have to be fluid.
Not a Zero-Sum Game
“Pregnancy in some workplaces is going to be tense, but [there is] usually a solution if you share your situation with others to find a way forward and be relentless until you find it,” Dr. Molly McNairy (a clinician scientist and mother of three) told Kramer. “Pregnancy is not a zero-sum game.”
Too often, though, it feels like it. Motherhood when you’re an ambitious businesswoman can feel like a lose-lose: You can become a mother but drop the ball on your career (or leave your career altogether), or you can have a successful career but never have children.
As Catholics, we believe that life is sacred. Our faith and the lives God has entrusted to us come before our career. But, if God is calling us to some kind of work in addition to homemaking and caregiving, He will provide a way for us to accomplish that work. While religion never comes into it, Kramer’s book shares specific strategies that can help, too, from pre-TTC (trying to conceive) through planning for returning from maternity leave (or not).
If you’re pregnant or planning to become pregnant—and even if this isn’t your first time—I recommend Carry Strong both to help you make plans for your career during this phase of motherhood and to empower you and remind you of your own strength.
You aren’t alone. And you can do this.
Taryn DeLong is a Catholic wife and mother in North Carolina who serves as co-president and editor-in-chief of Catholic Women in Business. Her writing has appeared in publications such as FemCatholic, Natural Womanhood, CatholicMom.com, and Radiant Magazine, among others. Her first book, written with her co-president Elise Crawford Gallagher, will be out in fall 2024 from Ave Maria Press. Connect with Taryn: Twitter • Instagram • Facebook • LinkedIn • Blog • Substack