The Value of Silence: For the Woman Who Hates Speaking in Meetings
“In the silence of the heart God speaks. If you face God in prayer and silence, God will speak to you. Then you will know that you are nothing. It is only when you realize your nothingness, your emptiness, that God can fill you with Himself. Souls of prayer are souls of great silence” (St. Teresa of Kolkata).
The Quiet Conversationalist
If you are an observer, a quiet contemplator, an onlooker, or a person who thinks of the perfect thought to add to a conversation three days later, this one’s for you.
I have always been that person who remains silent in meetings. I always felt bad about this, as if I were letting people down by having nothing to say. I am primarily of a melancholic temperament, which means it takes me a long time to think through things and process them. I find myself still thinking about conversations days, weeks, and even months later. I am still formulating my response long after everyone else has forgotten the entire conversation. Sometimes, even if I do think of a response in the moment, I still stay silent. I want to be able to formulate my response in the most accurate way while being respectful to the people around me. I feel the need to over-analyze everything I say, and because of this tendency, self-doubt creeps in.
“Anyone have anything to add?”
These words fill me with dread and anxiety. And often, even guilt. How can I be a strong woman in the workplace if I’m too afraid to speak up?
It is easy to allow one’s self-worth to be caught up in the desire to impress people. I often feel like if I don’t have the most groundbreaking thing to share, my input is worth nothing. But, if I don’t speak up enough, I worry that my worth will plummet in the eyes of others. After all, who remembers the people who were quiet?
Silent Saints
As a society, we tend to value people who are outspoken about their beliefs, but if you look closely, you’ll notice several key religious figures who were were quiet. Great saints knew the value of silence.
Throughout the entire Bible, St. Joseph never says a word. We remember him, instead, for his actions. Mary, too, seldom spoke out. Instead, she kept things close to her heart and contemplated them: “And Mary kept all these things, reflecting on them in her heart” (Luke 2:19). Some saints, such as Thérèse of Lisieux, were called to live a life of cloister and separation. Thérèse understood the value of keeping silent, writing, “It is better to leave each one in his own opinion than to enter into arguments.” While there are certainly times in life when it is necessary to speak up, Thérèse implores us to be prudent about doing so.
Barring rudeness, of course, it’s OK to be silent sometimes. It’s also OK to speak up when you feel the need, but just because others are more vocal does not mean their thoughts are worth more than yours.
In fact, you do not have to earn your worth. The best way to serve God is to embrace your gifts, not to pretend to be someone you’re not. While there is nothing wrong with trying to improve my conversation skills, I will always primarily be a listener. My gifts lie more in observing the people around me and becoming attuned to their needs.
Embrace the gifts that God has given you. Do not feel guilty for acting in accord with your own nature.
Mary Grace Dostalik, born and raised a Texas girl, recently graduated from Benedictine College with a major in evangelization and catechesis. She is a dancer, a writer, and a wanna-be explorer. Mary Grace loves to spend her spare time choreographing dances, going on runs, practicing calligraphy, and searching for the best chai tea latte. She is doing her best to go wherever God calls her, whether it be Oklahoma, Kansas, Ireland, or back to Texas. Mary Grace is currently living her dream of serving the Church by working as the marketing and communications manager at a parish in Frisco, Texas.